Parallel #5: [Dis]array / Onset

CW: Self harm


Me, with fresh cuts all over both arms. Sitting calmly.

Feel the pain. The connection. The flow.

I didn’t understand the disease like he did. He’d lived with it far too long, knew the consequences and the natural conclusion.

Put yourself out of your misery, his eyes begged. I can’t handle the idea I made another one of us.

You know it’s not that simple, his mind screamed. She’s caught in the trap now, same as you. No escape, not ever.

But I’m not alone now, his heart roared [soared].

Then the beer bottle hit the wall.

He split.

Bathroom tiles splattered with red. Innocents hurt bad, caught in the firing line. A mirror that tells lies, blackened by blood, gone to the dark side.

Doomed.

This very sleight of mind was hidden in the traffic cone, dampened sign that it was, but I was blind to it then. Now it was too late.

And I’d enter a period of my life where it was always too late. Time poured continuously out of my veins; I could never catch up. I could never find him, though I knew he was right behind me. Melted into broken glass.

Voices from the lake.

Metaphors spoiled by reality.

Keys irreparably twisted.

[Round my neck]

Bus into town. Never felt such a freak. Straddling the two sides of existence. On the fence. The fence between insanity and ordinary. Life and death. Half buried in the soil.


Stemming directly from the Journal Sequences project, Parallels is part stream of (un)consciousness, part exploration into recurrence and association. Spirals of awareness. Rhythms in thought. Accidental spells in everyday life, hidden beneath the surface. A series of loosely formed vignettes to mythologise the instant.


Steppenwolf / Jung / Will Self / Vampires / The Enlightenment Machine / Kathe Koja / Dark Ambient / Jonas Eika / the Abyss

Header Image Credit: Efe Kurnaz via Unsplash

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