Parallel #3: Subconscious Ordering

Fears tied up with string.

A song about the sea connects to my adolescence with all its sorrow and romance and shame. Connects me to pavements and ashtrays and discarded crisp packets blowing in the wind. Sand, too. Dirty sand. Bitterness abound.

All the things they hide! Make me embarrassed for the things I don’t.

My accent, my face. The way words tumble out in the wrong order with great conviction. Songs of the sea. Songs of the sea.


Running up a hill. A hand always grabbing. Loose tracky bottoms and a stomach hitting grass. Slurred words still hurt.

But there’s music in the asylum. Keeps everything flowing. Bit of rhythm heals droves.

They’ll tell you your magic is a disorder.
Magic is disorder.
[Subconscious ordering].

Loudmouth scum. Words are spells. Putting that intent into the world, making it cross the plane from your [mental] world to mine. The physical, then, nothing but a bridge.

Did you forget to take your meds? Are you falling through the bridge, suddenly [cruelly] turned transparent?

Falling into the sea, where Holm thrashes in a neverending loop. A loop borne of consciousness hacking and dissonant grief. / Rolling up cigarettes and supping from a flask of cheap whisky. The recurrence of a [blue] coat and eyeballs in a jar, always watching. Pirates and tattooists. / Thinking that despite all of this being connected, there are enough threads that one may someday break loose and grow into a better world for all of us – for some version of us, fictional or otherwise.

And so the myth of the self grows. Hey, hey. This is what you wanted. Shards. Broken. Fragments.

Stemming directly from the Journal Sequences project, Parallels is part stream of (un)consciousness, part exploration into recurrence and association. Spirals of awareness. Rhythms in thought. Accidental spells in everyday life, hidden beneath the surface. A series of loosely formed vignettes to mythologise the instant.

Placebo / Steve Erickson / Deleuze and Guattari / Will Self / Clarice Lispector / The Enlightenment Machine / the Abyss

Header Image Credit: Pawel Szvmanski via Unsplash

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